Recently, I was involved in a thought-provoking discussion about ‘what holds women back’. That was in the context of entrepreneurship but it got me thinking about what I see in my coaching. I’ve coached plenty of talented and inspirational men and women, but have I seen marked differences between the sexes in the way they set, work towards or achieve their goals?
Firstly, it’s important to set some context.
- Most people don’t set goals (fewer than 20% of the population).
- Of those that do set goals, most don’t write them down (about 3% do).
- Most goals are never achieved – New Year resolutions typically last less than 2 weeks!
So why aren’t we all setting goals, and, more importantly, why aren’t we achieving them when we do?
It’s all about BELIEF!
In fact, it’s all about 5 BELIEFS!
To be fully motivated towards achieving any goal or aspiration, you need to believe 5 things:
- It’s what I really want.
- It’s possible (for me).
- I know how to achieve it.
- I’m capable of it.
- I deserve it.
I find it helpful to see these beliefs as hurdles because you need them all. All five. You can’t win a race if you get over most of the hurdles, and you won’t achieve your goals if you don’t fully believe you can.
I’m sure we can all relate to the first 4 hurdles. I could certainly reel off examples where I’ve needed to work on a lack of self-confidence or some limiting belief around whether I definitely wanted to achieve something, whether it was in my control, and whether I was good enough.
But I wonder whether only about 50% of us can relate to the fifth and final hurdle. I don’t think I’ve ever struggled with that one. And here’s where I believe there might be some difference between men and women. In the last 25+ years I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man say the following:
- I’m not the priority right now.
- My goals can wait while we sort other things.
- I need to focus on helping someone else achieve their goal before I work on mine.
But I have heard all of these phrases many times from many women. And when we explore what this really means, the client usually arrive at one of two conclusions.
- I’m not worthy of investment.
- I’m happy if others are happy. I like putting others first.
One sounds so much more positive and empowering than the other, but I’m not sure they aren’t two sides of the same coin. Interestingly, many of the women I’ve discussed this with are very quick to point out that other women are very worthy of investment and should absolutely put themselves first.
The biggest challenge for me as a coach is to help my client see that they are every bit as deserving of success as anyone else. Maybe the best way to articulate this is by asking them to consider how their success would affect those around them!
Are you ready to start investing in you?
You can send me a message (WhatsApp or SMS) on 07944299668 and we’ll schedule a free, no obligation call to explore how I can help you.